Hanging Out
by ChocolateIsMyDrug
Summary: Artemis and Holly are watching the made for PPTV movie of their goblin encounter, but why does it seem like their movie selves have been romantically paired for commercial appeal? ArtemisHolly.


**A/N:** Just like what seems like every other Artemis Fowl fan I know, I prefer to pretend that the fifth book doesn't exist and that a certain annoying Mary-Sue of a French girl doesn't exist. So here is a vaguely Artemis/Holly story that I've been wanting to write for ages. Hope you enjoy it!

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**Hanging Out**

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Artemis Fowl was sitting where he usually was, at his computer in his study. He was hard at work on a new, ingenious, brilliant invention. Really, he was. Ahem.

In fact, he was so hard at work that he didn't even notice Holly Short's shielded presence until she tapped him on the shoulder. Artemis jumped, but quickly recovered himself, hurriedly minimizing his game of Spider Solitaire.

"Holly," he said, trying to sound his normal, cool, calculating self. Obviously, if she was here without calling him on his communicator, there was some sort of emergency. And if there was an emergency, it would be best to get into his business/thinking mode right away, rather than dwelling on the fact that her newly growing hair made her eyes look bigger. "What's the situation?"

She frowned slightly, confused. "Situation?"

Artemis nodded. "I figured that if you were here without calling first, then there must be some sort of emergency. However, as you appear not to know what I'm talking about, I think it would be relatively safe to say that there is no emergency. Am I correct?"

Holly grinned. "Right in one. Did I interrupt something important? Did I ruin some brilliant invention you were thinking up?"

Artemis thought about lying, but there was something about the twinkle in her eye that told him that she had been in the room a bit longer than he had suspected. He cleared his throat. "Well... no, actually. You caught me in one of those rare moments when I've got nothing to do and am passing time playing games. So, what's the occasion?"

Holly sighed a little sadly. "It's just been so long since we've talked properly. And with us, we always seem to be risking our necks to save the world. We never get time to just hang out."

He stared. Artemis had always had a desire to appear well-informed about everything, and usually he more than succeeded. Unfortunately, 'hanging out' was something he couldn't even pretend to know about. He enquired, somewhat nervously, "Er... what does this 'hanging out' involve, exactly?"

Holly looked as though she was trying very hard not to laugh. "Come with me. I'll show you."

She walked out of his study and into the hall. Artemis followed, quite curious. She walked into his home theatre (he didn't personally have much time for movies – Juliet was its most frequent occupant). "There are many different types of hanging out. I thought we'd do this type – watching a kind of lame, potentially hilarious movie."

Artemis considered this prospect. For some reason, he found the idea of sitting in a dark room with Holly rather... intriguing, whether they were watching a movie or staring at a blank wall. "Interesting," he said truthfully, after a while spent considering it. "It will be a new experience. But where will we get this lame, potentially hilarious movie from? I have only critically acclaimed films in my collection and I doubt something like that would be critically acclaimed. Unless you would like to watch something from Juliet's collection. I believe she calls them 'chick flicks'." He made quotation marks with his fingers.

Holly winked one hazel eye. "Don't worry about that. I brought along a copy of that made-for-PPTV movie based on our encounter with the B'wa Kell. It sounds like it fits the criteria of a 'hang out' movie perfectly, so..." She put her MVD (compatible with all audio-visual players, even the outdated and primitive DVD player) into Artemis' DVD player.

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Half an hour later, Artemis was watching his first kinda lame and definitely hilarious movie. Despite it being based on their encounter with the B'wa Kell, so far, the only thing that remained the same were the names of the characters.

'Holly', portrayed by Skylar Peat, was a brunette, had long hair and blue eyes instead of cropped auburn hair and hazel eyes. Also, her LEP uniform was rather different to Holly's actual one. Who knew female LEP officers wore short shorts and tank tops while on dangerous missions?

The actress was pretty, Artemis thought. But she couldn't manage to portray the same fire and determination that was present in Holly's eyes in times of danger.

And as for the computer-generated 'Artemis', well... For one, he looked like he was at least twenty – Artemis did not remember himself being quite so muscular at thirteen years of age – in fact, he probably wasn't even that muscular now. The second thing that irked Artemis was that this other 'Artemis' had floppy – floppy! – dark-brown hair and green eyes instead of immaculately combed black hair and blue eyes.

Artemis also felt that the film failed to capture his genius, his intellect or even his sarcasm accurately on camera. In short, it was a terribly inaccurate portrayal of himself. When he mentioned all this to Holly, however, instead of agreeing with him, she made a flippant noise and replied, her eyes fixed on the screen, "Who cares? He's hot!"

Artemis couldn't help feeling rather affronted at the implications of that statement.

Still, despite all the inaccuracies, he and Holly had a lot of fun watching what turned out to be a somewhat James Bond-esque experience. Until, that is, near the end of the movie, computer 'Artemis' and short shorts 'Holly' started exchanging mushy dialogue and... well.

Real Artemis hastily averted his gaze from the screen and cleared his throat loudly. He chanced a glance at Holly to see her reaction to their movie-selves making out. Luckily for Holly, it was too dark for Artemis to discern her blush, but from what he could make out (no pun intended) of her face, she looked just as uncomfortable as he was.

"I don't remember that happening, do you?" she said finally, her face cracking into a reluctant grin.

If this had been a movie, Artemis would have said, "I don't either, but why don't we make some new memories?" and kissed her or he would have kissed her and then said, "Now do you remember?" But as Artemis very well knew, this was not some cheesy romance movie. This was real life and in real life people didn't _do _things just like that. Or more accurately, in real life _Artemis_ didn't do things like that.

Artemis, in real life, ignoring his overactive imagination, simply gave her a small smile and said, "I don't remember that either. Do you want to watch something else?"

Upon Holly agreeing, Artemis decided to pick something cheesy, something romantic, something out of Juliet's collection. After all, Artemis, before he did anything drastic, liked to set the mood.

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**A/N:** Well? How was it? Please review with any comments!


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